Its been awhile since I blogged.. Been caught up with school cca and COMMON TESTS n PROJECTS !! Sorry bloggiee..Everything seemed to be going fineee..
I felt like as if i was trully happy again..
Or was I ? I am back to square one ?
I want things to go my way..
I need things to go my way..
If it doesnt which is the case most of the time, I've always adapted.
What happened ? Why am I back to the lowest of lows ?
Why ? WHY ? WHYYY !!!??
I dunno..
This feeling I hate..
What I trully want I dont know..
Have I forgotten the true meaning of what it is supposed to be all about ?
Or am I just having too much expectations for myself.
Maybe it is because of the fact that
I've been hurt so bad that I judge every single incy bincy minor factor or everything and everyone before interacting, before participating before allowing any progress.
I restrict myself too much..
Is this really the problem ?
If it is what do i do ?
What can i do when i dont even know what I want ?
I am lost..
I dont even feel like I own my heart anymore..
Do i even have a heart ?
Is this the feeling having a heart so broken that you feel like you dont have one any more ?
A heart so NUMB.. It feels nothing.
Nothing but the last feeling it felt and experienced..
That excuricating PAIN.
There is a barrier..
An invisible barrier between me and everyone...
I really mean EVERYONE..
I cant reach out..
I cant climb over..
I can see through the barrier but I just cant see myself over on the other side.
Make sense ?
Doesnt make sense to me..
Yet that is what i feel.
CONTRADICTING.
I need a peace of mind.
I need a relief.
Sometimes I just wish I was non-existant.
Yes thats what I said..
Dont like it ?
I dont like it either..
Besides, does it make a difference if i diddnt exist.
No big deal...
Like some friends I know from schoool sayyy..
Chiong or dont Chiongg Life GOES ONN !!!
I knw my friends said in a fun and hilarious wayy..
But if you look at it from a different perspective...
Whatever happens in this world..
Life just keeps going..
TIME WAITS FOR NOONE !!
Likewise, guess weather am dead or alive..
Life goes on..
Whats the difference ?
What happens after I die ?
Do all my feelings and pain just disappear ?
Does my character, my heart, my memories, everything I stood for, everything I had a passion for.. Everything just comes to a hault ?
Just like that ?
If it did..
Thats tooo scary for me to handle..
I want to rid off all this contradictary feelings.
I want to give myself some peace.
But I dont want to bring an end to all my thoughts and character and myself.
I dont want to die..
Could I live forever ?
Even if I died
does the pain continue in another world ?
I've always wondered.. What happens after death..
Since young.. I've always wondered..
Guess these are just some of the most popular unanswered questions in this world in which we reside in..
So whats wrong with me ?
Why all this negativity ?
I dont wanna be negative.
I aint emoingg..
I HATE EMOING !!!
Then what am I doing ?
Well what else can I do ?
I have nothing..
Nothing..
Numb is all I feel..
A heart so NUMB, So worthless ??
I trully hope not.
Signing OFF,
PKD
