My head is spinning round and round..
Not knowing where I am going..
Not knowing what am feeling..
Not knowing what i want or need anymore..
Feeling absolutely nothing..
Nothing but that feeling of being in the middle of nowhere..
Wishing for someone to be by my side.
Someone whom'd understand and hold my hand and walk with me..
Guide me..?? Tell me where to go..
What does he feeel ??
He is boring..
He has no personality..
He always ends up being lost.
Or is he really that sad ?
He doesnt want to be sad.
He wants to be happy !!
HE really really does..
His self esteem is reducing...
Why is it so ?
He needs to bring it back up to atleast a reasonable level !
He needs to strive harder..
He needs to commit at the same time..
Can he survive ?
HE WILL !!
But sometimes I just feel so...
haiz..
Am starting to dislike myself..
Wishing I was a lil different ?
I duno..
Am HAPPY WITH WHO I AM AND THE WAY I AM...!!
Yeahh.. I knw am contradicting my own words..
That what am feeling right now..
Everythingz jus so contradictory..
Is there someone out there whom would come by ?
Help me out for the sake of me ?
and not for the sake of what I say ..
I guess not.
I shall be noone else but me.
Not gonna do what u say..
Why should I ?
I wish to be noone else but ME !!
Guess this is the consequence of being me.
I know I have a phobia..
I try to overcome that phobia..
That he will over come..
He has indeed come a long way..
Maybe he has just spent too long being someone else to adapt in to a hellacious environment that he has lost his true identity..
And now all that remains is a slight image of his true self..
In the real world he really needs that image of his true self..
Thus the journey he shall continue in
redeeming his full true self...
Speaking from the heart..
Not as easy as it sounds..
Yet easier than u'll ever imagine !!
He continues walkinggg..
Getting through each day..
With that pasted together shattered heart of his..
He really trully has no idea where he is going..
LOVE?
HAPPY?
SAD?
ANGRY?
SCARED?
Simply Emotionless..
alone.
Signing off,
PKD
